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paradoxes and oxymoron’s

August 29th, 2002

— A day without sunshine is like.. night.
— On the other hand… you have different fingers.
— I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
— 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
— 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
— I feel like I’m diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
— Honk if you love peace and quiet.
— Remember, half the people you know are below average.
— He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
— Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
— The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.

— I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
— Support bacteria. They’re the only culture some people have.
— Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your week.
— A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
— Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
— Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
— Always try to be modest, and be proud of it!
— If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
— How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raise my hand…
— OK, so what’s the speed of dark?
— How do you tell when you’re out of invisible ink?
— If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
— When everything is coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
— Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
— Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don’t have film.
— If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
— Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines.
— What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
— I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
— I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
— Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
— Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what the hell happened

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