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MMIII

January 4th, 2004

Hummmm. I opened a new journal entry with some idea as to what to write — and now that idea is as elusive as xanadu. Maybe I’m getting old. In any case I will be getting old in a week — or at least older as far as officail like documents are concerned. One more growth ring, though I joined a gym and am trying to remove some of the old growth rings.

The past few weeks my mood has been very manic — some days I’m happy and energetic and other I just want to be left alone — very alone. Not really sure whats up. I know that mid December to mid January are never the best of times for me. I try not to live in the past but there are a few things from this time of year that just bother me, no way to not think about them and no way to fix them. They bother me less with time but I think they will always be there in the back of my head.

Anyway, it’s a new year. Leo Buscaglia once told a story about ancient Egyptians and their version of St. Peter. That they believed that after death their answer to two questions would determine if they where to enter paradise of not. The fist; ‘did you find joy?’ and the second; ‘did you bring joy?’ Rather than waiting for the afterlife lets ask these question of the last year.

Did I find joy? Yes. There was a lot of pain in the past twelve months but overall I believe I am happier with my life than at the end of the previous twelve. Did I bring joy? I hope so. I think so. I know I brought my share of pain and anger but I hope that over all I come out as a bringer of joy.

And what of the coming year? Will I find joy? Will I bring joy? Well… One can only hope. So, happy new year.

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