Category: ranting

I am now using livejournal as my journal keeping device. This allows you all to post comments to the entries I make. Unfortunately when you click to read or comment on an entry you are taken to livejounal’s site, they say that they are working on this so I can embed that here too but the feature is not done yet. So if you post a reply you will be on livejournal, so just come back when you are done.

Ok, so I get to work this morning and as I walk through the kitchen which divides our offices in half what to my wondering eyes should I see? A pile of tomatoes on the counter complete with a little post-it note that said “help yourself.” Staring down at this offense to office food I said at the top of my lungs;

“Most people bring donuts or cookies, a few people bring fresh cantaloupe or pineapple, [that would be J████ :) ] but who the hell brings TOMATOES?”

The only reply I got was a few chuckles from nearby offices. So I continued on my way to my office in disgust dreaming about donuts and cookies, or even cantaloupe and pineapple.

And now a short aside. C██████ and myself went to Syracuse this weekend to see J███████ and it was amazing! We went to the Sterling Renfest, I have a role of film which I need to get processed, maybe I will post some of them. I was “forced” into volunteering in one of the shows “Daniel Duke of Danger.” The forcing came in because I was sitting in the crowd and he said he needed some “volunteers” for one of his tricks… then C██████ sitting beside me tried to raise my arm. I tightened the muscles in my arm and kept it down and I turned to C██████ and said “Nooooo!” I think that was my downfall. Daniel walked right up to me, passing by most of the guys squirming in their seats and said

“Pardon me Madame, but do you know this young man?”

“Yes, yes I do.” C██████ managed to say while miserably failing to suppressing her giggles at my misfortune.

“Is he reliable?

“He most defiantly is!” She smiled, now utterly pleased with her work, putting me in the situation I hate most; public humiliation… people will be looking at me!

“And what is your name sir?” Daniel asked as he turned to me for the first time, pulling me up from the bench.

“Brian…”

Daniel decided that Brian was not a “reliable” enough name and that he preferred “Spike” so that’s what he was going to call me. Then he lead me down to the stage where the two other “lucky” guys where waiting.

The stunt that Daniel was performing was a balancing feat; first he had a platform set up which stood about four feet above the ground, on top of this was placed a five inch diameter lead pipe, and atop that another pipe perpendicular to the first. The job of the other two “volunteers” was to hold a board, one foot deep and about three feet wide, stable atop this precarious tower. When Daniel and I got to the stage he directed me to stand with my back to the crowd facing the surf board and he climbed atop the platform facing the crowd. Then he looked down at me and said:

“Ok Spike, I need you to hold your arms in the air and make two fists.”

So I lifted my fist into the air, imitating his stance, something like holding a dumbbells over your head, only I felt like the dumbbell since my hands where empty and I could feel the stares of the crowd burning my back.

“Now I need ya to yell at the top of your lungs, ‘I believe'” Daniel said as he tossed his head back and still holding his hands back, looking like a Southern Baptist at a revival.

“I don’t believe.” I replied in a rather dull voice.

Looking down at me Daniel said “C’mon Spike work with me here.”

So I tossed my head back and joined the revival: “I believe!”

Then Daniel climbed atop the surf board using my fist as hand hold to keep balance. Once he was atop his tower he dismissed the other two helpers. They left leaving me alone on stage with the nut, and by back still to the crowd.

“I love ya spike. At least right now, till I don’t need you any more.”

“Typical man.”

“Now is not the time to hold a conversation with the acrobat. When I let go of your fist I want you to take two big steps to your right and wait.”

“Ok.”

After I step away and Daniel stood strait on his tower and told a few jokes, I had to be the human hand hold again so he could get down. He bowed and as he sent me off he said to the crowd, “Ladies and Gents, I give you Spike!” So I waved and walked off to the side of the stage to C██████ who had been happily snapping pictures of my ordeal all along. She hugged me with a grin from ear to ear as Daniel said; “May all your children be born naked!” the crowd laughed, and I began to plan various way to extract my revenge on C██████. But of course one kiss from her and a “Your so cool, so handsome,” and I forgot all about trying to embarrass her, I really am quite cheap.