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ramblings…

October 6th, 2002

Don’t really have anything in particular to talk about tonight but I wanted to put something up for the people who do check in regularly, so I will just ramble on for a while…

First of all: I miss my girlfriend. She asked me how I deal with it recently and the truth is I don’t deal with it. When I think about the fact that the last time I saw here was in June and the next time I will see her, if I am lucky is December I miss her terribly and I have to think about something else. Keep my mind on something, the problem is I have an over active mind and when I sit and read my mind starts to wonder off on it’s own and I don’t pay attention to what I am reading… I start thinking about missing Cristina then about how to get the money to go see her, which leads to thoughts on my upcoming job and needing to get an apartment but not having any money to make a deposit (I should get some money that GMU owes me soon and that will cover the deposit and first months rent.) All this leads me to remembering that I will not have enough money to afford a nice new 4Runner that I want — badly! All this is very depressing and I end up not knowing what I just read so I have to start it over but that’s annoying and I just put the book down, which explains why I have not finished Magic Mountain yet — been reading it for over a month! Anyway, I really miss Cristina, and until I get a place and a phone I cannot even call her up and talk to her in person because my parents don’t make a lot of over seas calls so the long distance plan they have does not do over seas an they charge a fortune for the calls! Ahhh!! I hate being broke! I hate it! Must have money!

All this needing constant stimulation to avoid thinking too hard had driven me to watching news TV all the time. I see the same stories about 20 times a day… I watch the stock market ticker for fun and try to guess what the next move will be up or down (been easy — down, down, down with the stocks!!!!) Some interesting things have been on, Ken Burns Civil War was on last week — I watched it all. I love Ken Burns works, and now PBS is running a weekly show called Ken Burns American Stories on Monday nights. It’s a really good show, old one hour documentaries made by Burns and crew over the last twenty years. I like public TV.

Anyway, I think I will go to bed now.

P.S. How you all like the new website background images? I like then, the site is still simple but has a little something so as not to be too plain.

3 Responses to “ramblings…”

Honey, you should really check your spelling. I miss you as well, and I have enormous difficulties coping with the distance. The other night I went to a party at the student union and guys kept coming up to me and saying: “Are you here with someonne?”. And the reply I gave them over and over agian was: “No, but I have a boyfriend who I love very much”. They would then ask where this boyfriend was, and I would say that he’s in the States. They said that since he isn’t here, I could have fun with someone else. The truth is, I don’t want someone else, I want Brian! Not having you by my side hurts so much! Today it’s been 7 months since we started dating and 4 months since I last saw you. How am I going to cope for the next 3 months?

I spelled something wrong? No. Never! Hell I even ran the entry through Word… Must have been too tired to see the little red
squigally (Man, I have no idea how to spell that word!) lines!

And I do know what today is, I did not even need you to remind me. I wish I could be with you to celebrate it. Hum… Anything I can do?

No, there is nothing you can do. Just take care of yourself.