decent into hell!

I went out to Leicester square Friday (its the heart of the nightlife in London.) and went to some blah bars and places, then at like 3am since all the other bars where closing Paul and I asked one of the guys who drive the bike cabs (you know like the ones in Asia where two people sit behind the bike driver, anyway!) we asked him if he know of anywhere still serving al-key at that hour. He said that there was only one place he know of, so we asked him if he could tell us where it was, he said to hop on and he would take us there, and that he would not charge us as he was freezing and needed the exercise to keep himself warm. So we hopped on and rode all of like three block’s up to the end of Soho and he stopped and pointed to a little black door and said; “That’s it, just talk to the chap at the door.”

OK, well the door was not even full sized, it was like 6 and a half feet tall, and no sign, and to get to it you had to walk under two rows of scaffolding. the light coming out was a hideous red. and the guy at the door was a troll. He was 5 feet tall and almost half that around, (same at the shoulders and the hips!) he would not look at you for more than half a sec. he kept his hands in his pants and shifted his eyes back and forth sweeping them up and down the street as he said “its a fiver each to come in.”

Well after much debating (like 8 minuted) we decided that we would go in just for the experience, as the cabby had said that it was quite the bohemian atmosphere inside. So we paid our 5 pounds each and the troll let us pass. Down one set of steps left at the bottom and down a second set of steps we entered the bar.

The “bar” was about 24 feet long, 8 feet wide, and 7 feet tall. The lighting scheme was straight out of “big trouble in little china town” Three bulbs, no lamp shades, and they where red. Navigating the floor was an adventure in and of itself. There where at least three placed where you had to go up or down a set of two or three steps. and no two steps where the same height or width. In at least one place there was a step on one side and non on the other side. The walls where covered in that really thick cheep paint in some off red color that has not yet been named because all the people who name things like that are too scared to venture down the steps. and the ceiling was a la smoky! with exposed wires and pipes.

We decided to get a drink. (why? Don’t ask I am sure looking back that I must have been inebriated, though I had only had two beers in the past 6 hours [as they are expensive]) well we pushed our way to the “bar”, believe it or not this place was crowded! With all types, guys in full suites, girls in evening gowns, guys that looked homeless, gang bangers, and everything in between. We managed to push our way around the corner of on end of the bar. Oh did I mention that the bar consisted of a couple of 12by2’s hung between two random pillars? So we squeezed around the corner into a dead end ally between the end of the bar and the bathrooms (if they counted, we never went in to see what they looked like, too scared!)

So we looked behind the bar to see what there was; and it was not encouraging! A couple of cases of hot beer on the floor, 5 bottles of liquor (Jack, Captains, JD, and some other unidentifiable bottles), some two liter coke’s (unchilled) and some one gallon OJ jugs (also unchilled) and oh yea, a sign saying that drinks where 4 pounds! But anyway, we decided to order since we where now quite far from the entrance and if there was a fire we would die, and our bodies would never be identified. So I ordered a rum n’ coke, and Paul got a Jack n’ coke. Bye bye 8 pounds!

Well she (I think) brought us the drinks, and let me tell you they where only drinks in the looses of terms! They where in the little kiddie Dixie cups (you know like two sips for me!) and they where not even full! well we started to sniff them to see if they where safe, and then they guy next to us moved out of the corner and we got a whiff of something all together different: crack! No I’m just kidding there was no crack in the corner, but I would not have been surprised, as there were drug deals going down within ear shot, and at least two girls soliciting! The only strange thing was that one of the drinks was still full of foam like 10 minutes after we got it??? Anyway, we stayed a few minutes to finish the drinks and peal paint off the wall, during which time I discovered that if I pushed on the wall it moved! Then we got the hell out of there, and I at least vowed to never go in there again!