confusion

I found out the other day that a person I have know since I was two has cancer. Now I am not great friends with this person, we don’t keep in touch—but we know each other and are friendly when we meet. I found out through her mother that she has cervical cancer, and she apparently has had it for about a year, during which time she kept it a secret and would not let the doctors treat it.

I have dealt with death before—to many times, but every time it is like the first. This is a strange case because the person involved is not someone I see on a regular basis but I know in the back of my head that it is going to happen. And it’s not going to be a painless, passing in the night kind of death, it’s going to be a long, drawn-out painful fade into non-life.

The things that scare me the most about this whole deal; 1) she is a nursing student it’s not as if she does not know what she is setting herself up for by not accepting treatment. 2) She has two children who she is very devoted to—you would think that she would do everything she could to fight for their sakes. 3) she is six months older than me.

Is South Korea asking to get bitch slapped? Why the hell did they ship SCUD missiles to the middle east now of all times? I just don’t get it. What were they thinking?

On the bright side looks like some of that intelligence we are supposed to have might actually be more then talk—that makes me feel better. What are the odds that we know about a whole lot more than one SCUD missile shipment?

Also I noticed that Jimmy Carter was in Oslo yesterday to pick up his Nobel Peace Prize. He warned against the concept of the “preventive war” —I have to say that I agree with him. When you start attacking people to prevent them from attacking you how much better are you than you think they are? Now you’re the aggressor.

Ok, so if you where friends with your X and talked on a relatively regular basis and then one day you where at dinner with a few other friends who also know your X suddenly and they say; “I hear X is engaged…” Your thought pattern goes something like this over the course of the night: “do what? No. Maybe. That’s just rude. X did not say anything to me when we talked. That’s rude, why didn’t…?” I don’t know call me a strange person but considering we still talk regularly—we talked for a few minutes just the other day (I assume this did not just happen if these people know and I know the boyfriend has been gone for a week plus, at least I think that is the boyfriend.) I am beginning to think that I don’t have such a good relationship with this X… And I though I did.