confusion

that’s what I feel like… nasty three day old smeared over the highway road kill! I had my second polygraph today, and it was worse than the first. They grilled me the first time, I came out thinking ‘stick a fork in me—I’m done!’ They really raked me over the coals. This time I came out thinking ‘I feel like some poor helpless Bambi that just had a very personal encounter with the grill of a Mack truck at 70 mile an hour.’ I definitely need to find something to do tonight.

I had a very strange experience at the post office today. I was mailing a package to England and when I got to the counter this short rotund man in a very artificially happy and nice voice helped me. So it cost me $3.20 to send the package… and come to think of it, I believe that was the economy price which takes three weeks—I asked for the regular price which takes 4 to 7 days! Damn it! Anyway, after he said it cost $3.20 and I held out at five for him he asked if I needed any stamps, I said no as he took the five and began making change… then, while he was placing the change in my hand he said that I could pay today with cash, credit card or by check. Change in hand I began to walk away and he, still looking strait at where my face was 30 seconds ago said, thank you and have a nice day… Weird man. I think the post office must be replacing their employees with robots (which will cut down on the number of people who go ‘Postal’) but this robot was a little bit off.

A man eating a still born baby is not art—It’s sickening. (Reuters story)

I do not think I will get a chance to post anything more to my journal this year, so though I know it is a few day early this my end of the year entry.

This year has been a wild ride for me. From my travels in Europe, to my trials of the heart I have experienced so much in the last revolution around the sun. I have made friends .. and lost friends. I have known happiness, and pain. Joy and loneliness. The times have been good and bad. But I don’t believe in regret and I don’t count on second chances. I travel ever forward on the path before me. The road goes ever on… The experiences of this year tell me only one thing for sure—that the powerful play goes on, and I want to contribute many more verses.

I just sent out my end of the year email to all those who matter most to me. Looking at that email, with a detached mind, it sounds mushy, like feel good religious/spiritual foofoo, but I guess that sometimes things need to be said to those who matter that sound mushy, things that sound like some kind of bad, low budget Hollywood love story. As Leo Buscaglia said:

Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.

Too may of us go about our day to day lives, never stopping to hug our friends, to say “I love you” to anyone but our date. We insult each other in jest all the time, but how often do we compliment our friends? Or thank them for just being our friend? I do not go to church, or synagogue or mosque or any other place of worship. I hold no views one way or the other on gods or the afterlife. I place my faith in no book, no idol, no creed. I place my faith in those I love and those who love me. It is for them, and because of them I try to live a good life..