confusion

Ok, so if you where friends with your X and talked on a relatively regular basis and then one day you where at dinner with a few other friends who also know your X suddenly and they say; “I hear X is engaged…” Your thought pattern goes something like this over the course of the night: “do what? No. Maybe. That’s just rude. X did not say anything to me when we talked. That’s rude, why didn’t…?” I don’t know call me a strange person but considering we still talk regularly—we talked for a few minutes just the other day (I assume this did not just happen if these people know and I know the boyfriend has been gone for a week plus, at least I think that is the boyfriend.) I am beginning to think that I don’t have such a good relationship with this X… And I though I did.

looks like Bush is going to get his war—unless the 12,000 pages Iraq delivered to the UN today have something in them other than what the spokesman said. At the hand over to the UN today in Baghdad the spokesman said that the document verified that Iraq has no weapons of mass destruction and no programs to create them.

Of course at the same time Saddam Hussain delivered a speach in which he called upon the people of Kuwait to resist the infidels and come together with Baghdad to resist the forces of London, Washington and Israel. So, here we go again—Bush is ready for war, Saddam is ready for war: start your engines it’s only really a matter of time (and timing for politics!) till the bombs start dropping. (oh yea on a really cheery note the US says that Iraq has enough “precursor” material to have produced 200 tones of VX gas—thats enough to whip out the world…)

Time makes a wound seam more distant… not smaller. This week is the 5th anniversary of T█████- taking M██████ away from me—something I still think about, something that still hurts. I am still haunted by the sound of “dada” sometimes late at night when I am alone.

I dropped my cell phone today in the snow. I had gone out walking while it was snowing, took some pictures and just wondered around in the winter wonderland. When I got back to my apartment I signed on to instant messenger and Beaner im’ed me and said, “I know where you phone is.” “Oh, where is that,” I asked. “In Adams Morgan.” “Really.” “You dropped it, and the guy who picked it up answered when I called you. He’s looking for you.”

Best I can figure is I dropped it when I reached to get my keys off my belt loop, I had to pull my coat up to do it and it must have pulled the phone up off my belt. Had to have happened right before I got to my building because the guy who picked it up lives in the building next door. He saw me drop the phone but could not get to me fast enough. When J███████ called he was on his way out of DC. So I called the guy and have made arrangements to get the phone back from him tomorrow night.

Of all the people in DC it’s completely random that I dropped the phone while a guy who lives in the building next door was looking on. It’s cool that the guy is nice enough to trouble himself. Nice to know that there are still good people in the world. I’ll have to take this guy out for a drink or something.

Ok, I can’t seam to get my pinky toe and the one next to it to stay crossed, but I’m trying to keep all my fingers and toes crossed —so it better snow tonight. It’s not even that I don’t want to go to work tomorrow. I just want snow. It never really snows in Virginia anymore—the last time it snowed was in 1996 I think. Ever since then we’ve been lucky to get a dusting. I love the snow. Thinking about the snow today reminded me of last December—snow in Greece, snow in Denmark, snow in Amsterdam—hell it even snowed in London! May I miss being in Europe!

They have called for snow two or three times in the past few weeks and when the time comes it does not even freeze! Weather men (excuse my non-PC terminology!) must be the only people who can continually be just plain bad at their jobs and people still listen to them and they seem to remain gainfully employed!

I love the snow—I get giddy like some 10 year old kid and all I want to do is go out stomp around in the snow. I went to NYC a few years ago with some friends and it snowed 14 inches—I drug my friends from one end of Broadway to the other and back. It was glorious! The snow was coming down so thick that in Time Square you could not see from one end to the other—but the glow from the neon illuminated everything with an eerie soft ambiance, and it was dead quite—like some scene in a movie where the characters all feel the magic in the air. I love snow!