Categories
ranting writings

Fish Fetish: The Breatharian

Oh my god. Flashback! I just cam across this article on I Fucking Love Science:

WTF is “breatharianism”? If you are not familiar:

Breatharianism, in the traditional meaning, is a belief that it’s possible for humans to survive without eating food. Breatharians claim that food, and sometimes even water, is not necessary for humans to live, and instead people can keep themselves alive with breathing and sunlight.

James Felton in Please Do Not Attempt The Breatharian Diet, You Need Food To Live [iflscience.com]

I know this delusional bullshit from a IRL encounter with a practitioner before Instagram, before social media, in the age of dialup. I can’t believe this story is not already posted here, but back when I sold fish for s living I met a “breatharian” so here is a factionalized account of that encounter…

It was a slow weekday at the shop, the dry stock delivery was tagged and shelved and it was only two PM. By some coincidence the shop still had a full house: J████ was working. I wasn’t working but O— and I were just hanging out with J████ after lunch till it was time for him to head to work. J███ and D– were waiting for J███’s Girlfriend S—- to come by the shop and they were going off somewhere or other to play tennis or mountain bike or something because they were heard discussing “How do I choose a tennis racket?

S—- is important here so some backstory: S—- was an ex-marine, single mom who was becoming ever more obsessed with new age natural healing. S—- was cool but even among a group of liberal vegetarians we all agreed she had jumped right off the deep end into crystals and raw food diets to try and fix her hypochondriac illnesses. At this point she had been on raw food for a few weeks or a month.

When she showed up at the shop that afternoon she had a friend none of us knew with her. I don’t remember how the conversation went up until S—-‘s friend said something to the effect of “I’m a breatharian.”

J███: “What is a breatharian.”

S—-‘s friend: “It’s a movement to free us from our fear of starving and remind us that all we need is to be open to the Universes energy.”

I think D– finally said something like “what?”

S—-‘s friend: “Yea. You see everything your body, and your mind, needs for nourishment it can get from just breathing in the energy of the universe.”

Beggs: “But you have to eat. Or you’ll starve to death.”

S—-‘s friend: “No, no, no. That’s just fear. The companies and the government they teach everyone this and we all develop this fear of starving if we don’t eat. But it’s just fear. You don’t need to eat or drink.

Beggs: “That’s just not how biology works…”

S—-‘s friend: “That’s just fear and lies. See the founder of Breatharianism, he’s been living without food and water for decades. And he’s not even aging.”

O—: “That’s because he’s fucking dead.”

J████: “So, like, how long have you been starving yourself?”

S—-‘s friend: “I’ve been training for a year now. I still can’t break the fear. Sometimes I go a week without eating, I just drink juices.”

O—: “So you cheat. You should commit to it, one less crazy in the world in a few weeks.”

J████: “You really believe you can live off sunlight?”

Beggs: “Photosynthesis!”

S—-‘s friend: “It’s not photosynthesis, it’s not sunlight it’s more than that. The universe is filled…”

This exchange went on for some time, round and round the loony bin as we all stood around the counter. Eventually it got a bit hostile, S—-‘s friend and Owen raising their voices. As S—- was extracting her friend and heading towards the door O— had the last line, “if there was a way to live without food and water, it wouldn’t have been discovered by some nut in Australia, the Ethiopians would have figured it the fuck out in the eighties!”

D–: “You know, the more I meet S—-‘s friends the more I understand how the Branch Davidians could exist. And the more I realize there is nothing wrong with S—- a cheeseburger wouldn’t fix.”

Categories
ranting

Shit on fire, yo.

Authorities with the regional conservation office suspect the fire started on a farm when a pile of animal manure that wasn’t being properly stored spontaneously self-combusted.

Maddie Stone, in Wildfire Explodes in Spain as Europe Reels From Record Heat [gizmodo.com], on Gizmodo

It’s so hot literal piles of shit are bursting into flames. And while Trump screams “perfectly normal” in the background, the Sahara has come for Europe: It was 45.9 Celsius (that’s 114.6 in ‘Merican) somewhere in France [washingtonpost.com].

Categories
ranting

Loops over Batam

Last Tuesday night flying back to Singapore from Jakarta I was dozing off and listening to music when I heard the pilot say something about a delay. He said we would be landing at one AM or something. I thought “that can’t be right, we are only 20 minutes away and it’s only 11:30.”

Then we proceeded to make tight little turns over Batam. For an hour.

Loops over Batam

There were really bad storms around Singapore so I just assumed bad weather was the cause of the delay. Really bad weather, I guess? And then the next morning one of my colleagues sent me this link: https://www.straitstimes.com/singapore/transport/37-flights-delayed-one-runway-closed-for-10-hours-due-to-unauthorised-drones

Now, almost exactly a week later I’m writing this while I wait for my three hour delayed flight from Singapore to Jakarta which is currently sitting in Batam after a drone sighting at Changi.

Mother fucker!

I feel ya Jules
Categories
ranting

H. Pylori

A few weeks ago I spent two nights in the hospital. I checked in after going into the emergency room for sever chest/stomach pain. This was the second visit to the emergency room for this. I went back at Chinese New Year in February. At that time they hooked me up to all the wires and took blood and the whole nine yards to check for heart issues. No heart issues so they called indigestion and sent me home with industrial strength antacids. I have never experienced any indigestion like this. It was just above the bottom of my sternum and was a sharp pain like someone wiggling a knife in my chest.

Cut to mid-May and I spent one night in agony again for about four hours. I racked my brains to see what I had eaten or done similar to Chinese New Year that could cause it. I couldn’t think of anything. So when it happened again the next week I went back to the emergency room.

Same procedure with the wires and blood and all but, again no signs of heart issues so they checked me in for more diagnostics.

This breaks my 41 year streak of no hospitalization. The only times I’ve spent a night in the hospital was to accompany my wife when my daughters were born.

The next morning the doctor ordered, and performed, an endoscopy. The one where they shove a video camera down your throat and into your stomach. I don’t remember much about this since they put you to sleep but I will never forget the taste of some chemical they sprayed in the back of my mouth just before knocking me out. It was, how can I put this? I can only imagine this is what it’s like to have the Terminator or C3-P0 ejaculate in your mouth. There, you will never get that image out of your head, I’ve destroyed any remaining chance of having a political career and I’ve shared my pain.

Moving on…

I got the results the next morning: Helicobacter pylori [wikipedia.org] infection. A bacteria that lives in your stomach, among all that acid. It’s a bad ass bacteria, yea me. It is also the bacteria which causes stomach ulcers and can cause cancer. On the other hand Wikipedia says 50% of the world is infected —the most common infection in the world! Apparently most people don’t develop any issues.

Anyway, I got drugs, lots of drugs. Multiple antibiotics and various other things to kill my unwanted passengers:

H. Pylori by Yutaka Tsutsumi
Say ‘hello’ to my little friend.
Categories
writings

Fred Jablonski

Fred Jablonski’s water bottle, a blue one liter Nalgene bottle, sat on his desk long after Fred Jablonski was gone. He only lasted a day. Showed up and decided that the job wasn’t for him or something, we never knew. In fact, no one ever introduced him to anyone in the the department and no one told us he was gone. But his desk was still his desk months later, the water bottle gathering dust along with the standard office supplies, pen, pencil, stapler and notebook. Fred Jablonski was The Dead Man in Yossarian’s tent. No one could be assigned to that desk the water bottle gathered dust until we moved offices seven months later. But the myth of Fred Jablonski long after the desk and dusty water bottle were left behind.

Fred Jablonski lived on because he became a kind of Spartacus for the software development department. Everyone was Fred Jablonski. See, when we changed offices we also got we one of those phone conferencing systems which asked you to record your names and then announced you when you joined the call. This annoyed everyone. So when you attended a conference call you would be met with a roll call of “Fred Jablonski”, “Freeeed Jablonski”, “Fred Jaaablonski”, “Jablonski, Fred Jablonski” every time a developer joined.  The rest of the company had no idea who Fred Jablonski was which only encouraged us for a time. Eventually the company grew and many people even in the software engineering department had no idea who Fred Jablonski was. And so, eventually Fred Jablonski faded…